A Rookie on Dating

As a teenager I never really had any dating experience. There were a good group of boys who were my age and we all grew up together, but I didn't really talk to them all that much. And by the time I was 15 I had just found my group of girlfriends that I had never had before so I wasn't really interested in dating anyway. Well that doesn't really help me now, does it? Especially as I'm on the lookout for a potential spouse. So, as I was sitting in my family relations class this last week, I realized that gosh darn it do I have a long way to go! I mean, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking for. I've got the picture perfect imagination of a man that I think I would love but am I setting my standards too high? What should I expect? How similar should we be? How different? Am I gonna end up alone forever with a bunch of dogs??

It's pretty evident here that I'm no expert in dating, or even talking to guys for that matter. As I now understand and believe it should be, dating, or going on a date, is a planned activity that will help two people get to know each other. Pretty obvious, right? But something that we talked about in class is that people don't really do that anymore. People just "hang out" whatever that means. I don't think this is a bad thing. It's when there is no effort made to go one on one or even a double date. Calling it a date might put pressure on it but there shouldn't be any pressure in the first place. Isn't going on a just for getting to know someone? If you find that they're super weird and you're not interested, great! That's one less person and you learned that you're not into that. 

I'm guilty of putting pressure on dates, especially since I have next to no experience. And also because the dates my friends and I were going on were for Homecoming or Prom which are classy events to high school kids. It also seemed like a lot of the other kids there were boyfriend girlfriend too, which added to the pressure. I guess because of that I thought dates of as like these a couple of times a year thing that are expensive and dressed up. That shouldn't be the case at all! 

With that, we tend to associate the word dating with exclusive couples. Like "they're dating". But are they really? Are they scheduling to go out together one on one or are they bored and hanging out? It could make a difference in the way you see someone when they actively plan something to do with you. I mean, isn't that attractive? When someone puts effort into something for you? 

I think one thing that often gets overlooked in serious dating is the question "will this really work?". Going exclusive is exciting (I assume). Besides liking being with that person, I think we should be asking if this is just for fun or is this something serious. Are you going to be spending a lot of time, money and energy on one person only to become a heartbroken ex while you could have been meeting lots of other people? It's only a suggestion and not likely the first thing someone thinks about as they begin to like someone, hence, overlooked. But I think it's wise to see what's out there before settling for one person for a couple weeks, months, etc..

But, hey, what do I know? I still have a lot to learn.